


We're Not Healed Yet

by MMRichter



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apologies, Bloodletting, Both are SUPER unfair to each other, Confrontations, Conversations, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Forgiveness, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, In a way, Injury Recovery, Jasper Gets Called Out, Lapis Gets Called Out, Mistakes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Reconciliation, Recovery, Repaying Debt, Trying to Forgive, Understanding, Unresolved Tension, both attempted at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-31 22:41:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20802803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MMRichter/pseuds/MMRichter
Summary: Jasper and Lapis need to do this. They can't take another step without it. It will hurt.





	We're Not Healed Yet

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello, fellow readers and writers. As you saw in the tags, this is a Jasper and Lapis meeting, and it’s gonna be stressful. I know it was stressful to write. I tried to be as fair to both characters as possible, though I’m really not sure if I succeeded. Hopefully, a scene or episode on this subject comes up in the upcoming season, and hopefully it is a better than this. It probably will be, but until then, I can explore how this might occur. With all that said, let’s wade through this together. And here … we … go:

Jasper and Lapis sat facing away from each other, in a secure space that could only be reached by them. No one else was around with no chance of them being interrupted. This needed to happen. Neither of them could go any further without it. It was going to hurt. Lapis started…

“Just say yes?!”

“You could’ve said no.”

“Oh, please! If I said no, you would’ve taken that?”

“Of course not. But you didn’t have to do it; you had other options.”

“Oh really?! And what other options did I have?!”

“You could’ve FOUGHT! I just got blown up in a ship‘s reactor, and we were literally next to the ocean, so you had plenty of ammo. You could’ve fought, you would’ve won, and I would’ve had to leave.”

“That’s easy for you to say! You’re made for fighting. I never wanted to fight anyone.”

Jasper made a simple hand motion, and a screen appeared off to the side. On it replayed the events of Lapis’ release from the mirror and her battles with the Crystal Gems, from her water tower to the clones she created to battle them all at once.

“You fought _them_ just fine. Twice. And you were barely awake both times.”

“You were just using me. You didn’t care about me or anyone else. You only wanted to get stronger to get your revenge.”

“And you didn’t use me, Lazuli?! You think I couldn’t feel how much you enjoyed crushing me?! How strong it made YOU feel?! How powerful you felt smothering me, making me struggle then shoving me back down, making me beg...!”

“And what? You’re innocent in all this?! You came here to get your payback and to salvage your own pride. You almost destroyed everything. You would’ve never stop if I hadn’t locked you away.”

“Don’t act you like you cared what I did to them. Except for one of them, I could feel how much you wanted to make them pay too. You hated them just as much as I did.”

“No matter how I felt, it was YOUR war, YOUR revenge. I didn’t deserve to be trapped in it with you! I didn’t deserve to be some last resort. I didn’t deserve to be your crutch because you failed!” Lapis’ statement shook Jasper into stillness. A crack of lightning flashed mournfully in the distance. “That’s right; you came here for your own goals, and you were a failure in every way! Then, you thought you could pull me in because you weren’t good enough on your own!”

“I… I know what I did, and I know … how I failed. Did I deserve to get my butt handed to me? Yes, and I did, a few times. But I didn’t deserve…” Jasper had to take a deep breath to compose herself. “I didn’t deserve what you did to me. When we found… I thought they shattered the one gem I cared about more than anyone and anything else, including myself—”

“You gonna blame for that, too?!”

“No… No. But I didn’t deserve for you to … hurt me like you did. I didn’t deserve for you to take everything you went through out on me. I … didn’t deserve for you to tear me apart to make yourself feel better.”

Lapis felt something in Jasper’s words. “You don’t even believe that.”

Jasper paused, obviously trying to steady herself. “Just because I don’t … doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“Well… That’s another reason I wasn’t going to fuse with you again. Remember?”

“Yeah, I think I remember… You said … ‘you didn’t like who you were’ when you were hurting me. Not because it was wrong or because you shouldn’t have… You didn’t like how what you did made YOU feel.”

Lapis had to take a long pause. “You’re right… I just… It was so long. You wouldn’t understand. I spent thousands of years trapped in that mirror; thousands of years with nothing, nothing to see, no one to talk to, no way out… Then, the only time someone sees you, it’s to use you then store you away again. No one even thinks you’re alive and need help. And for what?! Some war you didn’t want to be involved in, that you had no stake in, for a place you didn’t even care about.”

“Yeah, about that war? I was IN that war! I lost friends in that war. I shattered gems that use to be my friends in that war. I go torn up more times in more way than I can remember. Yeah, it’s terrible you got locked away so long, but I was awake that whole time and you know what? It was just as horrific and terrible out here. The things I had to do, the things I had to go through… Sometimes, I wish I had been in the dark for a millennium or two, so I wouldn’t have to relive them when I close my eyes.

“Tch, I knew you wouldn’t understand…”

“And you don’t get it either…”

…

…

“Everything I loved and cared about was taken away from me!”

They had spoken in unison, freezing in place when they realized. The green lights of the area bloomed and pulsed in the wake of the synergy… Lapis turned herself to face her right while folding her legs up to her chest and hugging her knees. Jasper turned herself to her right and folded her legs under her to sit cross-legged. The two gems still faced opposite directions, but now they were side-by-side… They could at least look at each other now if they chose. Another long pause hung between them…

“You hurt Steven.”

“You hurt him first… And you would’ve hurt him last if he were here when you bailed.”

“I came back. And I brought everything else back. I went to save him, and I fought for him.” Jasper remained silent from Lapis’ statement for a moment before eventually letting out an accepting grunt. Lapis continued, “Be honest, Jasper. If they had tried to tell you the truth, would you have stopped to listen?”

“I saw them shatter my Diamond. I fought them for millennia. How was I supposed to react to them? Be nice and cordial to them? Treat them with respect? Have dance parties with them?”

“Yeahyeahyeah, I get that. But honestly … if they had tried to tell you, would you have stopped to listen?”

“If I understand it right, they didn’t even try to tell most of their group the truth.”

“We’re talking about you… Would you have stopped to listen?”

“… … …No.”

“And if they had told you the truth, would you have even believed them?”

“I don’t… I wouldn’t have wanted to believe them. How do you accept that everything you suffered and everything you fought for was not just lie … it was unnecessary, didn’t even need to happen. Do you know—No, I know YOU know what that’s like.”

“Yeah… Yeah, I do…” Lapis hugged her knees closer as she turned even more somber. “How are we even supposed to live with all of this?”

“I’ve been trying to figure that out for forever, and it’s been shattering me the whole time… You at least got a head start; you have a place to stay, a bunch of people who care about you. I don’t even know where to start, and you have your happy ending ready and waiting.”

“… Except I almost ruined it. I _actually_ tried to throw it away.”

“But like you said, you… You fought for it, and you got it back. You’re everybody’s pretty, snarky, sweet-and-sour Lapis.”

Lapis scoffed, “I’m not sour…”

“I was gonna call you moody, so ‘sour’ must be your word. Still, you’re the lovably moody Lapis Lazuli, and I’m just Mean, Reckless, Scary Jasper who got what she deserved and who everyone hates.”

Lapis sighed. “Everyone doesn’t hate you, Jasper. A lot of gems really like you and have been waiting for you to come back.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Search me, and tell me I’m lying… So many want you to get the same chance me and Peridot got… You should see the meepmorps they made waiting for you.”

Jasper was taken aback. “They … drew pictures … of me?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

Both fell silent again as they thought and absorb everything. Eventually, they both turned until they were sitting side-by-side and finally facing the same direction…

Jasper spoke first, genuinely and honestly, “You’re right. What I did to you was wrong. You didn’t deserve to get dragged into my ordeal and didn’t deserve to be forced into joining me. I used you and I never should have done it. I was cruel and selfish, and you didn’t deserve it… Do you think you can forgive me?”

Lapis confessed, “I don’t know … if I’ve ever truly forgiven someone for hurting me.”

“Must be nice… Must be nice to never mess up, hurt someone, and need to make it up to them.”

“Ugh, always about you.”

“You know I’m talking about Peridot—”

“Yeah, I know. You’re still a jerk for bringing it up … and touché.” Lapis took a moment before she forged ahead, speaking softly and sincerely. “Jasper, you’re right. You didn’t deserve to be trapped and abused so I could feel better about myself. I punished you for things you didn’t do and tried to make you feel worthless. I ignored your pain and suffering and made it worse, so I wouldn’t feel as bad… Do you think you can forgive me?”

Jasper started to talk but stammered as she started to choke up. “I … want to. I’ll try. But … if I’m being honest … I don’t even know how to forgive myself.”

“Jasper… I’ll give you this. Yeah, you were cruel and nasty to them when you faced the others, but now that we know the truth, it turns out you had a couple reasons to be pissed off with them… Jasper, if you had known earlier and knew it was the truth, would you have acted differently?”

“Of course. I would’ve followed her anywhere or done anything my Diamond wanted to do. I would’ve stayed here, or, at least, I would’ve stopped. I would’ve stopped.”

“I know you would have. You would’ve been here from the start, and this would already be your home… Don’t get me wrong; you have a lot of making up to do, a lot more apologies to make, and a lot to make right for. But don’t forget; you deserve some apologies too.”

“Wow… Thank you, Lazuli.” Jasper stifled some tears and sniffed them away. She then let out a stressed chuckle. “Stars, is this really all we have to connect on? The fact we have the most awful nightmares and we don’t know how to forgive?”

Lapis shook her head slowly. “Well, at least it’s a start, even if it is the most morbid place I can imagine.”

Jasper let out a resigned sigh. “Well, I guess we’ve both started from much worse spots… I’ll try if you try…”

Lapis shrugged. “Okay. We’ll give it a shot.”

The two gems finally looked at each other as they took each other’s words and feelings to heart, for perhaps the first time. After a moment, Jasper and Lapis faced forward again and closed their eyes. They both looked inside of themselves and allow themselves to open, taking in the moment and letting it pass through them…

They spoke as one, their voices ringing in perfect unison, “I forgive you. I’m so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused. Will you please forgive me?”

Jasper and Lapis’ eyes opened and went clear white as they began to shine.

-XXX-

Malachite opened her eyes as they began to shine. Soon, her entire form began to glow as it began to morph and change. The light eventually peeled away to reveal a drastic shift in the fusion; She now stood upright and bipedal. Her feet were natural-shaped and clad in open-toed sandals. Her four arms were now in the natural position on her upper back… After she came around, her eyes no longer glowing, Malachite then felt her new, more stable configuration: She ran her lower arms over her hips, registering that she now had them, and then lifted her knees to stretch out her now-much longer legs. She rolled her shoulders, feeling that she now had four of them. She lifted her arms, saw and then flexed her four hands She ran her upper arms through her hair and rubbed the two small horns on her head…

A chorus of five simultaneous voices called out, “How are you feeling?”

Malachite looked up at Obsidian, the massive fusion having patiently stayed to watch over her, and considered her answer. Her now singular voice came out. “It hurts a little… It always hurts a little. But … this is better than it’s ever been. That will do … for now.”

POOF! Malachite departed in a plume of smoke, and Jasper and Lapis were left hands and fingers intertwined. They looked away from each other as they released each other’s hands. POOF! Obsidian also departed, and the Crystal Gems also reappeared. With the area now clear of any potential fusion conflict, Bismuth, Peridot, Spinel, and Pink Pearl rushed over to meet the two gems, Bismuth and Peridot tending Lapis and Pink Pearl and Spinel crowding to Jasper. The gems had some light, happy conversations about fusing before exchanging some well wishes and goodnights. Jasper and Lapis remained quiet in their circles throughout, simply nodding or giving brief responses to any questions.

The three groups started toward the warp pad to return to their sanctums. Then, Lapis and Jasper both abruptly stopped. Suddenly, the tension in the area and in the other gems skyrocketed…

“Jasper?” Lapis turned and called.

“Lapis?” Jasper turned as well.

“You should … come by and visit us at the new barn sometime.”

“Sounds good… And you can stop by and see us at the Fountain if you like.”

“Sounds good.”

The other gems remained silent but began to smile and relax at the interaction. Steven, meanwhile, could barely keep himself from squealing with delight. With that, Jasper and Lapis turned back on their paths, and the groups continued to depart each other’s company for the night. This day had been hard, but at least whatever they faced the next day, they could start side-by-side.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: There we have it. Thank you so much for stopping to read this, and I really hope you enjoyed. Any feedback is welcome, so please leave a comment below; it really means a lot. Thank you again so much for stopping by, I really hope you liked it, and I hope you read more for me soon. <3


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